The virtues of Having Girls and the Falsity of Pre-Islaamic Discrimination.
If we look at the Book of Allaah the Glorified, we find that He strongly rebukes pre-Islaamic ways; that a man is displeased when he is given the glad tidings of a daughter, his face darkens while he is in as state of grief, he feels shy amongst his people so he avoids them out of embarrassment. He contemplates whether he is going to bury her or leave her upon hawn. Allaah strongly criticized them from this practice.
There are, however, remnants of these pre-Islaamic ways that still live in the hearts of some men, especially if a man's wife keeps giving birth to girls. Even though a woman is just like the earth in this case, in that it grows whatever the farmer plants in it, with some men, it has reached the point where he would divorce his wife after she gives birth - we seek refuge with Allaah from such ignorance and cold heartedness.
During the pre-Islaamic era, women had no status at all, a man would bury his daughter and yet raise his dog and feed his farm animals. Allaah falsified this lowly ideology and raised the status of the woman to its natural level, a level that suits her and enables her to carry out her obligations and the rights she has over others and others have over her. He addressed the woman in the same way He addressed the man in obligations and prohibitions, and He specified the woman with some rulings that concern only her, rulings which suit her natural state.
Having children is something that is predestined, it is in Allaah's Hands, He blesses whom he wills with girls and blesses whom he wills with boys. He blesses others with both boys and girls and tests others with neither. Allaah the Elevated states:
{To Allaah belongs the kingdom of the heavens and the earth. He creates what He wills. He bestows female (offspring) upon whom He wills, and bestows male (offspring) upon whom He wills. Or He bestows both males and females, and He renders barren whom He wills. Verily, He is All-Knower and is Able to do all things.} [Ash Shooraa: 49-50]
Contemplate over how he mentioned girls first before boys; this is an admonishment to those who belittle the status of women and consider them to be insignificant.
So be pleased with whatever Allaah has decreed for you do not know where the goodness lies! How many fathers were contented by the tidings of a boy, who later only became a calamity for him, a cause for the decrease of his wealth and a continuous source of worry and misery for him. And how many a father was discontented by the news of a daughter while he was anticipating a son, and this girl became not only a helping hand, but a merciful heart and continuous source of support throughout his life. From here we understand that contentment, in reality, is not due to having a boy or a girl, it is only realized if the child is righteous, whether it is male or female. Allaah the Elevated said in describing the servants of al Rahmaan:
{And those who say: "Our Lord! Bestow on us from our wives and our offspring the comfort of our eyes, and make us leaders of the righteous. } [Al Furqaan: 74]
Being Kind to Daughters - Methods and Examples
My Muslim brother; if Allaah blesses you with daughters, be diligent in carrying out their rights, this includes raising them, providing for them and interacting with them, all this while anticipating the reward from Allaah. Do you know the amount of reward you will receive for doing this? Indeed if you do so, you would be together with the Prophet- sallallaahu `alayhee wa sallam -in the afterlife, for a Hadeeth it states:
"Whoever raises two girls until they mature will come on the Day of Resurrection together with me - and he joined two of his fingers."
[Collected by Muslim]
He-sallallaahu `alayhee wa sallam -also said:
"Whoever is tested with something by daughters and is good to them, they would be a protection for him from the fire."
[Collected by both Bukhaaree and Muslim]
There are many ways to be good to daughters - amongst them:
Choosing a good mother; This is the first step in being good to your offspring, because a righteous mother is one of the causes of righteous children - In Shaa Allaah. How many a child has Allaah preserved due to the righteousness of his or her parents[1].
Choosing a good name; since the name of a child has an effect on him/her. Names have different rulings, amongst them are those that are permitted, recommended, disliked and prohibited. Today, the majority of people look for modern names, paying no attention to their meanings or rulings.
How many girls have names with bad meanings? How many girls have foreign names while their parents are Arabs in Arab countries?
Providing for their physical needs such food, clothing and medicine.
Being diligent in this affair is from the causes of entering Jannah; an extremely poor woman entered upon 'Aaishah - may Allaah be pleased with her - with her two children. 'Aa-isha said:
"She asked me but I didn't have anything except one date at the time, so I split it between the both of us and gave her one half. She didn't eat any of it, but left with both her daughters." The Messenger - sallallaahu `alayhee wa sallam - arrived and I told him about this, he said:
"Indeed Allaah has obligated the entrance to Jannah and prohibited the Hellfire from touching her because of that." [Reported by both Bukhaaree and Muslim]
Being Generous, kind and Merciful to Them.
When Fatimah used to enter upon the Prophet - sallallaahu `alayhee wa sallam , he used to say: "Welcome my daughter." One day he went to lead the prayer while carrying his granddaughter Zaynab; while prostrating he would put her down, and while standing he would carry her. It may have been that there was no one to look after her at home at the time so he took her with him. Or it may be that he wanted to legislate this and have people take him as an example - may Allaah's Salaat and Salaam be upon him.
The Prophet - sallallaahu `alayhee wa sallam - was the most merciful of people to children in general, whether they were boys or girls; he would kiss them, rub their heads, supplicate for them, and play with them. There is a great good in this.
The older a daughter becomes, the more she would need to feel respected and appreciated. If you provide this for her, she would feel that she is an important member of her family, in her own parent's home, and this would help her greatly in stability and steadfastness.
If however, she feels belittled and neglected, that she is not addressed except with orders and prohibitions; only asking her to carry out chores and so on, this would only make her hate her home and family, and Shaytaan may start whispering to her. She would then start looking for care and love in impermissible methods, which would lead her to destruction. Only Allaah knows where she would finally settle.
Being Just Between Them and their Siblings whether they are Boys or Girls.
There must be justness between her and the rest of her siblings - whether boys of girls. Indeed the feeling of being oppressed and leaning to other than her more than her would plant the seeds of hatred towards her parents, as well as animosity towards those amongst here brothers and sisters who have been preferred over here. So fear Allah and be just with between your children. When providing for them, [wealth should be spent] according to the need. As for 'Hibah' (the giving of wealth without compensation) then the male receives twice the amount of the female, and if a parent were to give it equally then this is good.
Bringing them up Islaamicaly and getting them Accustomed to this while they are Young.
Raising her in an Islamic way and familiarizing her with this from an early age. Raising her with the etiquettes of taking permission, the etiquettes of eating and drinking, and the etiquettes of clothing. Making her memorize whatever is easy from the Quran and legislated supplications. Teaching her ablution and prayer; ordering her to do so at seven and obligating it upon her at ten. Indeed if she is brought up upon goodness, she would be comfortable with it and love it, and it would be easy for her to abide by it and stay firm upon it.
Teaching and Preparing them for a Married Life.
Educating and preparing her for what she need after she moves on to married life; the etiquette of interacting with a husband and carrying out the responsibilities of a home such as cooking and cleaning and so on, indeed there are families which neglect this aspect. If a girls moves on to married life, while she isn't proficient at cooking, cleaning nor interacting - a husband may have little patience, he may have a short temper, problems may arise in a short time and may end up in divorce.
Being keen on Marrying Them to Men of Good Religion and Character.
Getting her married when she reaches the age of womanhood, and a man of righteousness, trustworthiness and good mannerisms asks for her hand in marriage, while you are pleased with him. Indeed this is one of the greatest forms of goodness, because delaying a woman from marriage is from the greatest causes of deviation from the correct path, especially in this time period.
Her guardian should facilitate the affairs of marriage such as dowry and other requirements, all this encourages those who are interested in stepping forward for her, and consequently for her sisters after her.
Muslim families must beware of delaying the marriage of a girl with the justification of completing education, or that she is still young and other such unfounded excuses, because this is an affair that would have a negative impact on society with evil consequences.
Visiting them and Enjoining Ties with them after they get Married.
Ties should be maintained with her and she should be visited after she gets married, and one should search for what she may need and resolve any problems she may have. Her happiness and distress should be shared with her. The family must beware, especially the mother, from directly being involved in her daughter's life, for excessive involvement in what does not concern her may harm her daughter's marriage.
Methods of Protecting them from the Dangers of Present day Society.
It should be known to you - my Muslim brother - that we live in an era where there is a lot of Fitnah, and the paths to evil and misguidance have been facilitated in a manner unprecedented to that of previous eras. This only emphasizes your responsibility, and necessitates that you double your efforts in raising, advising and directing as well as taking precautions.
To be continued...
Shaykh 'Alee al Haddaadee
If we look at the Book of Allaah the Glorified, we find that He strongly rebukes pre-Islaamic ways; that a man is displeased when he is given the glad tidings of a daughter, his face darkens while he is in as state of grief, he feels shy amongst his people so he avoids them out of embarrassment. He contemplates whether he is going to bury her or leave her upon hawn. Allaah strongly criticized them from this practice.
There are, however, remnants of these pre-Islaamic ways that still live in the hearts of some men, especially if a man's wife keeps giving birth to girls. Even though a woman is just like the earth in this case, in that it grows whatever the farmer plants in it, with some men, it has reached the point where he would divorce his wife after she gives birth - we seek refuge with Allaah from such ignorance and cold heartedness.
During the pre-Islaamic era, women had no status at all, a man would bury his daughter and yet raise his dog and feed his farm animals. Allaah falsified this lowly ideology and raised the status of the woman to its natural level, a level that suits her and enables her to carry out her obligations and the rights she has over others and others have over her. He addressed the woman in the same way He addressed the man in obligations and prohibitions, and He specified the woman with some rulings that concern only her, rulings which suit her natural state.
Having children is something that is predestined, it is in Allaah's Hands, He blesses whom he wills with girls and blesses whom he wills with boys. He blesses others with both boys and girls and tests others with neither. Allaah the Elevated states:
{To Allaah belongs the kingdom of the heavens and the earth. He creates what He wills. He bestows female (offspring) upon whom He wills, and bestows male (offspring) upon whom He wills. Or He bestows both males and females, and He renders barren whom He wills. Verily, He is All-Knower and is Able to do all things.} [Ash Shooraa: 49-50]
Contemplate over how he mentioned girls first before boys; this is an admonishment to those who belittle the status of women and consider them to be insignificant.
So be pleased with whatever Allaah has decreed for you do not know where the goodness lies! How many fathers were contented by the tidings of a boy, who later only became a calamity for him, a cause for the decrease of his wealth and a continuous source of worry and misery for him. And how many a father was discontented by the news of a daughter while he was anticipating a son, and this girl became not only a helping hand, but a merciful heart and continuous source of support throughout his life. From here we understand that contentment, in reality, is not due to having a boy or a girl, it is only realized if the child is righteous, whether it is male or female. Allaah the Elevated said in describing the servants of al Rahmaan:
{And those who say: "Our Lord! Bestow on us from our wives and our offspring the comfort of our eyes, and make us leaders of the righteous. } [Al Furqaan: 74]
Being Kind to Daughters - Methods and Examples
My Muslim brother; if Allaah blesses you with daughters, be diligent in carrying out their rights, this includes raising them, providing for them and interacting with them, all this while anticipating the reward from Allaah. Do you know the amount of reward you will receive for doing this? Indeed if you do so, you would be together with the Prophet- sallallaahu `alayhee wa sallam -in the afterlife, for a Hadeeth it states:
"Whoever raises two girls until they mature will come on the Day of Resurrection together with me - and he joined two of his fingers."
[Collected by Muslim]
He-sallallaahu `alayhee wa sallam -also said:
"Whoever is tested with something by daughters and is good to them, they would be a protection for him from the fire."
[Collected by both Bukhaaree and Muslim]
There are many ways to be good to daughters - amongst them:
Choosing a good mother; This is the first step in being good to your offspring, because a righteous mother is one of the causes of righteous children - In Shaa Allaah. How many a child has Allaah preserved due to the righteousness of his or her parents[1].
Choosing a good name; since the name of a child has an effect on him/her. Names have different rulings, amongst them are those that are permitted, recommended, disliked and prohibited. Today, the majority of people look for modern names, paying no attention to their meanings or rulings.
How many girls have names with bad meanings? How many girls have foreign names while their parents are Arabs in Arab countries?
Providing for their physical needs such food, clothing and medicine.
Being diligent in this affair is from the causes of entering Jannah; an extremely poor woman entered upon 'Aaishah - may Allaah be pleased with her - with her two children. 'Aa-isha said:
"She asked me but I didn't have anything except one date at the time, so I split it between the both of us and gave her one half. She didn't eat any of it, but left with both her daughters." The Messenger - sallallaahu `alayhee wa sallam - arrived and I told him about this, he said:
"Indeed Allaah has obligated the entrance to Jannah and prohibited the Hellfire from touching her because of that." [Reported by both Bukhaaree and Muslim]
Being Generous, kind and Merciful to Them.
When Fatimah used to enter upon the Prophet - sallallaahu `alayhee wa sallam , he used to say: "Welcome my daughter." One day he went to lead the prayer while carrying his granddaughter Zaynab; while prostrating he would put her down, and while standing he would carry her. It may have been that there was no one to look after her at home at the time so he took her with him. Or it may be that he wanted to legislate this and have people take him as an example - may Allaah's Salaat and Salaam be upon him.
The Prophet - sallallaahu `alayhee wa sallam - was the most merciful of people to children in general, whether they were boys or girls; he would kiss them, rub their heads, supplicate for them, and play with them. There is a great good in this.
The older a daughter becomes, the more she would need to feel respected and appreciated. If you provide this for her, she would feel that she is an important member of her family, in her own parent's home, and this would help her greatly in stability and steadfastness.
If however, she feels belittled and neglected, that she is not addressed except with orders and prohibitions; only asking her to carry out chores and so on, this would only make her hate her home and family, and Shaytaan may start whispering to her. She would then start looking for care and love in impermissible methods, which would lead her to destruction. Only Allaah knows where she would finally settle.
Being Just Between Them and their Siblings whether they are Boys or Girls.
There must be justness between her and the rest of her siblings - whether boys of girls. Indeed the feeling of being oppressed and leaning to other than her more than her would plant the seeds of hatred towards her parents, as well as animosity towards those amongst here brothers and sisters who have been preferred over here. So fear Allah and be just with between your children. When providing for them, [wealth should be spent] according to the need. As for 'Hibah' (the giving of wealth without compensation) then the male receives twice the amount of the female, and if a parent were to give it equally then this is good.
Bringing them up Islaamicaly and getting them Accustomed to this while they are Young.
Raising her in an Islamic way and familiarizing her with this from an early age. Raising her with the etiquettes of taking permission, the etiquettes of eating and drinking, and the etiquettes of clothing. Making her memorize whatever is easy from the Quran and legislated supplications. Teaching her ablution and prayer; ordering her to do so at seven and obligating it upon her at ten. Indeed if she is brought up upon goodness, she would be comfortable with it and love it, and it would be easy for her to abide by it and stay firm upon it.
Teaching and Preparing them for a Married Life.
Educating and preparing her for what she need after she moves on to married life; the etiquette of interacting with a husband and carrying out the responsibilities of a home such as cooking and cleaning and so on, indeed there are families which neglect this aspect. If a girls moves on to married life, while she isn't proficient at cooking, cleaning nor interacting - a husband may have little patience, he may have a short temper, problems may arise in a short time and may end up in divorce.
Being keen on Marrying Them to Men of Good Religion and Character.
Getting her married when she reaches the age of womanhood, and a man of righteousness, trustworthiness and good mannerisms asks for her hand in marriage, while you are pleased with him. Indeed this is one of the greatest forms of goodness, because delaying a woman from marriage is from the greatest causes of deviation from the correct path, especially in this time period.
Her guardian should facilitate the affairs of marriage such as dowry and other requirements, all this encourages those who are interested in stepping forward for her, and consequently for her sisters after her.
Muslim families must beware of delaying the marriage of a girl with the justification of completing education, or that she is still young and other such unfounded excuses, because this is an affair that would have a negative impact on society with evil consequences.
Visiting them and Enjoining Ties with them after they get Married.
Ties should be maintained with her and she should be visited after she gets married, and one should search for what she may need and resolve any problems she may have. Her happiness and distress should be shared with her. The family must beware, especially the mother, from directly being involved in her daughter's life, for excessive involvement in what does not concern her may harm her daughter's marriage.
Methods of Protecting them from the Dangers of Present day Society.
It should be known to you - my Muslim brother - that we live in an era where there is a lot of Fitnah, and the paths to evil and misguidance have been facilitated in a manner unprecedented to that of previous eras. This only emphasizes your responsibility, and necessitates that you double your efforts in raising, advising and directing as well as taking precautions.
To be continued...
Shaykh 'Alee al Haddaadee
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